


From the Beginning to the End

by Azurame_Neve, Sesuo_Maisora



Category: Cardfight!! Vanguard
Genre: 6 + 1 sort of stuff, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Author does not feel, Bad Ending, Blood, Cardfight!! Vanguard G, Gen, Gruesome deaths be aware, I hope that becomes a real tag tbh, Murder, No Beta we die like Miguel, Not Beta Read, Shouji Kazuma-centric, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27148624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azurame_Neve/pseuds/Azurame_Neve, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sesuo_Maisora/pseuds/Sesuo_Maisora
Summary: Kazuma watches as his mother's face blured by his tears, and so he screams and screams.In the end, he was all alone.He's moving towards a world without a future.His screams were never heard.Again, and again.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	From the Beginning to the End

**Author's Note:**

> Me: watching Cardfight Vanguard G NEXT and then an idea appeared, “why not put an AU but semi-time loop that involves with Kazuma suffering because I love him and I want to torture him-”
> 
> wait, why does that even sound wrong?
> 
> Ignore the things that doesn't make sense, thanks!

_“Where do we go when all is over?_

_Do we simply go back to where it started?_

_If so, where are we headed now?”_

* * *

[0] the end was just a compromise

For a long time, even Shouji Kazuma doesn't remember, but it had been going on forever.

Kazuma looks down on his hands, it's either his blood or someone's else. 

He had been in this loop, repeating torture for as long as he can talk.

Kazuma remembers how it started, and for the first few times, Kazuma thought it was a sort of redeeming arc for him to show his worth, maybe that it was because of the shitty father of his. 

And a few times later, Kazuma died of accidents whenever he doesn't do the things he did at the first try.

Kazuma tried running away from home, he tried to convince his mother to move out or even divorce when he could. Kazuma did whatever he could so that he would avoid his father.

The result of that is sudden death of various ways.

For example, like falling into the pond and drowned to death if he ignores Kazumi; like leaving the Onimaru family but ends up getting run over by a car.

It was always like that, he takes a wrong step and he's killed. It was as if the world was saying, ‘If you don't follow the fate we say so, we'd annihilate you.’

_Then, what exactly is my role?_

“Mother, Brother.”

With blood and tears flowing down his hands, watching the horrid faces of his mother and brother. They're scared, Kazuma knows but he doesn't know that they're scared for him.

_why_

_Why does this only happen to me?_

Young Kazuma doesn't understand.

His mother telling him everything will be fine, and his brother looking so worried for a second before he realizes the house is burning down.

They're locked in the same room, his mother hugs him tightly but there was no escape. As the fire surrounds them and slowly engulf them whole, Kazuma closes his eyes and let it all reset.

No, he simply didn't want to.

_Hey, tell me what should I do?_

Dropping the stained fruit knife, he mocked himself, “What's the point of forgiving? What's the point of understanding something that I will never?”

_Even if I found a place for myself-_

The memories he remembers always turns grey after the whole round, almost like the game over scenes. It blurs, and starts making statics noises before it goes black like the surveillance camera that's disconnected. It then would give Kazuma 5 seconds before he restarts at the very first scene.

_I just want everyone to happy-_

Kazuma grits his teeth, he tried various methods. One time, he even went to the mental hospital, and surprisingly, that was his best moments. Even if it was short, he fell and die on the stairs, but it was silent.

Nobody will disrupt him there.

Even if he was all alone.

_Am I not allowed to be happy?_

Alone is better. 

_Nobody will judge you._

_Nobody will claim you're a failure._

* * *

[1] strength's sometimes stronger than love

_Until the end, you were the only one who stopped me._

Kazuma watches at Shindou Chrono played his cards with a big smile.

This is where he first met Chrono, Card Capital 2. It was inevitable. The first time he was walking and he went into the shop, it was for fun. He didn't even know why he entered the shop.

The second time he tried to go the opposite direction and he got ran over by a car. Third time he tried to stay at school, the school was burned down due to an explosion due to one of the gas tank in the economy cooking classes. Fourth time he tried not to go to school and the apartment he lived in was burnt down due to an electrical short circuit at the main board.

It's just an inevitable encounter, so Kazuma just goes and meet Chrono. It's better than dying immediately, he won't even get to eat dinner if he died early. 

They played a match, and right before Chrono could attack, Kazuma just gives up. The phantom pain of losing haunts him until this day.

He watches and watch, even if Chrono had always been encouraging him, teaching him the rules. Kazuma does wonder about Chrono's patience.

"There's no point in it anymore, I know I lost," Kazuma collects his cards, admitting defeat already.

"Even so, you should try until the end!" Chrono's words made Kazuma's blood boil.

_The end? There was no such thing!_

"Why do you give up so easily? Until the end, you could have won!"

"I-" Kazuma paused a little before he continues to collect his cards together, giving a fake bright smile, "You won't understand me,"

"You-!" Chrono just took the first card from Kazuma's deck, "Look!"

First card, it's a heal trigger! 

“There's no benefit,” Kazuma's face darkens.

"Eh- Excuse me?"

"What's in it for me? I know I'd lose, there are things that I can never obtain!" Kazuma shouts and froze, his emotions went wild, he couldn't control them well. He looks up, Chrono stared back at him in shock.

Kazuma clicked his tongue, taking his deck with him and ran out of the shop. 

Chrono sighs, "He could have won..."

Nitta Shin pushes his glasses up, "Then why didn't you make him stay a bit more?"

"His face..." Chrono trails off, the look on Kazuma's face was as if he wanted to cry but he couldn't.

Kazuma ran away, back to him room, and buries himself into his pillow. He lets the ticking noise of his alarm lull him back to sleep, sleep and forget all his worries.

“Ignore it,” Kazuma mutters, “Ignore it and you'd be fine.”

In sense, those chants did not work.

What worked was that kidnappers are weirdos who actually fight with cards, and Chrono is way too lucky.

“He's like, a protagonist,” Kazuma mutters as he scrolls down, looking at card effects in his computer. 

_Yet, you were the one who started everything again. I resent yet love you for it._

Encouraging, fighting and always persistent. The hope he gave to Kazuma, was real at the same time so cruel. Kazuma doesn't like to continue to talk with Chrono, it drains him physically and mentally.

_Why? Why did you pick me?_

_Why not someone else?_

~~Did you really need me?~~

Kazuma watches and watches, from behind the scenes, over and over.

The plot just repeats endlessly, no matter what he changed. It was like, this part of life wasn't his anymore, Kazuma wasn't the main character anymore. Even in his own story.

The day he met Anjou Tokoha, Kazuma was so frustrated he lost it.

"What are you?" Kazuma pulls his hair in frustration and shouted, "Are you some sort of protagonist!?"

Chrono stood shock, his friends, Asukawa Taiyou, Tokoha, Jaime Alcaraz and Okazaki Kumi all stared at him. The moment of silence is lovable.

_There. He did it._

Tokoha was the first to break the shock, in tears, strangely. She dived front and hold both of Kazuma's hands, "Finally! You think so too? I knew it! Chrono was just too lucky, there's no such luck like that!"

Taiyou was flustered, "W-what? Kazuma-san! Chrono-san is our friend, we're not in some manga or anime!"

Kazuma hummed, 'But we are in an endless loop,'

Chrono shutters, looking anywhere but Kazuma, "I-I"

Kumi was instead giggling as Jaime took his wallet out. 

Kazuma stared at Chrono who got angry at them, "You guys bet on something like that??"

Kumi cheered, "Get! 1000 yen!"

* * *

[3] one man's trash is another's treasure

Seriously, it was a harsh childhood for Kazuma. Repeating the same thing again and again until he can ace all those exams and obstacle coming to him.

Even so, Kazuma was denied of his hard work. 

Especially after being defeated by the Stealth Dragon, Shiranui. 

It was a hard blow, because Kazuma thought, maybe this time he could do it. Kazuma really believed in Chrono's words. It didn't work the first time, but surely, like Chrono said, the second time could work!

“I believe in your fight!” Chrono once told Kazuma, with his cards on stake, Chrono chose to believe in Kazuma.

Kazuma slams his fists down, watching another match where Chrono loses to Shiranui yet another match of Vanguard.

“Why...” Kazuma watches as Chrono continues to fight, even all alone, he strives through.

_why do you try so hard?_

_why are you still standing up?_

“No,” Kazuma gulps, and walks away. Even with Taiyou shouting for him, Kazuma didn't want to watch anymore.

_why am I not doing anything?_

_why am I still here?_

_for what am I doing?_

“I just don't want to care anymore.”

Kazuma wants to drop his cards, but his Vanguard, Luard's card shines in his hands. As if mocking him, Kazuma grips it even tighter. 

The training he went through, cleared his mind, but it did not clear his doubts. 

_what is a right answer?_

_does it really exist?_

"What's the point of this?" Kazuma asked as he stared at his reflection in the water, and he heard a voice. For a second, before he blinked, he thought he saw a pair of golden eyes, but it was gone.

_Then, I'd take your future for myself._

Kazuma thinks he know whose voice that was, but he can't help but to ask, "What else is there for me?"

The voice remains silent, but Kazuma knows that it's listening. Kazuma know who those golden eyes belong to.

* * *

[4] Turning point

Kazuma watches, from afar, as Chrono played against his friends in the U20 championship. Shion and Tokoha, his old teammates.

Kazuma seen pictures from Taiyou, and as jealous as Kazuma is, he knows. 

“I can't beat them,” Kazuma watches, Chrono's smile brighter than when he's with Kazuma.

In closeness, in understanding and in bonds, Kazuma doesn't really think of himself as Chrono's close friends. 

Sure they are friends, they are in a team after all, but that's what it is. Chrono will never cross the line for him, Kazuma was certain. 

Kazuma watches as Taiyou cheered for Chrono, Kazuma felt isolated.

“Why,” Kazuma drops his deck onto the floor, “Why am I always the one alone?”

Kazuma swore to himself, that he wasn't going to look back. Not now, not yet. But when he does...

“The world will change,” Kazuma walks away, and Yumizaki Luna was there to watch as she thought, “Kazuma-san?”

“Luna?” Am looks at Luna who just stares at the crowd of people that have already swallowed Kazuma. 

“Am-chan! It's-” Luna tries to talk but Am looks at her confused. 

“Mhmm? What's wrong?” Am asks, and Luna wants to say she saw something strange, however there was no other evidences. In fact, she wondered if the person she saw was really Kazuma?

“I,” Luna paused before she shakes her head, saying it was her delusion. She wasn't sure, and she hope it's nothing.

Luna swears, she saw a shadow behind that person. However, “I wonder what shadow is that?”

* * *

[5] Power of destruction

Looking at Chrono and Ibuki's bond makes Kazuma jealous. Jealous of how Chrono always have someone by his side, encouraging, scolding, supporting, teaching him. There was always someone who needs him, Kazuma was one of them and he felt helpless.

When Kazuma figured that Noa is following him and Taiyo on the way back, he mumbled, "Ah, it's time already,"

Taiyou's confused but he trusts Kazuma's words. They walks in turns and circles, and Kazuma leads them with such ease that makes Taiyou wonder how long has he lived in the area.

And so, Kazuma leads Nao to the empty building, and therefore challenges him once more. Kazuma raises his deck, his eyes were calm and Taiyou just feels dread.

"Why... did you accept it so easily?" Chaos Breaker Dragon asked curiously, keeping an eye on Kazuma.

"Ah," Kazuma blinks before he draws a card and continues without looking at Noa, "For power,"

It took a while, but Chaos Breaker Dragon notice the despair swirling in Kazuma's eyes. It amuses the dragon, “Why do you need this power? This power could destroy the world,”

“Then let it be,” Kazuma places a card on his vanguard circle, “Ride! Dragheart, Luard!”

Kazuma touches his card and smiled, “This world is worthless,” and as he said, the symbol on his hand glowed once more, as if to say that they accept your determination.

“Kazuma-san!” Taiyou startled by the symbol on Kazuma's hand that started glowing.

“When all is destroyed, the world will be silenced. It will be a new world, a better world of silence.”

_And solitude._

* * *

[6] In the Hands of Fate

‘Someone once said gears are similar to hands, they are guides to fate.’

“Kazuma!” Chrono always ends up finding him, as grateful as Kazuma is, he's done this time.

“I have suffered enough,”

Kazuma have lived multiple lifes, sometimes he could move on, most times he dies at one wrong step. He doesn't know what went wrong, but he would repeat until Fate decides it's right. However, most of his life ends after he was possessed by Gyze, and this time, Kazuma will end it all.

"This world was never kind to me, not once," Kazuma says, a maniac grin appeared on his face, "That's why I won't be kind to this world either!" 

Chrono looks at the golden-eyed Kazuma, in shock, in frustration, but he couldn't say anything.

"Don't you understand too?" Kazuma continued on, Gyze was an additional power, but essentially, Kazuma allowed it, "You know how cruel the world is,"

Kazuma doesn't know about the world that collapses if Gyze wins, but even if the world goes on, “I don't want to suffer anymore,”

“You know it too, the cruelty of the world, the peace of the world is more important than us, than children's feelings! We are all pawns!”

“So let it be,” Kazuma says with a broken laugh, “We can enjoy the last moments by putting everything on the line with Vanguard. It's the most easiest method. ”

Chrono looked defeated, and Kazuma accepted his silence as approval.

“Now, let's end all of this.”

_As promised, I will grant your wishes. My vessel._

Gyze will use the void to destroy everything, as long as the world gets destroyed, then maybe this time, Kazuma will be in peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Did I say the word will be saved, after Kazuma's saved? 
> 
> Not really. 
> 
> How does one end a time loop?
> 
> You destroy the start, when there's no end, surely, they can't begin again.


End file.
